Apologies for the delays again. In my 9-to-5 job, this is the busiest time of year, and I've survived one of the more brutal weeks in my eight years at the office. Anyway, hey, employment is good! And yeah, I could've squeezed in the recap earlier this week had it not been for Wednesday's Springsteen concert at the soon-to-be-demolished Giants Stadium (great show!) and Thursday's back-to-back viewing of Survivor (good season so far) and FlashForward (great premise, dull characters, but nice twists, so I'll stick with it for a while).
So, back to Tuesday's Melrose Place, which featured the return of Josie Bissett as Jane Mancini... oh, excuse me, Jane Andrews. Funny, I had completely forgotten how, well, blah Jane is as a character or Josie is as an actor -- take your pick. Nearly all the energy and delicious cheese of the first three episodes went out the window here, at least until Ella got some good lines at the end. Yes, I admit it: I've been brutal toward Katie Cassidy and Ella up till now, but she finally got to do some interesting stuff and became a more vibrant character. Maybe all she needed was a foil? If that's the case, then Ella might really take off once Amanda comes back on the scene next month. On to the bullet-point observations:
This is the first episode without flashbacks, Sydney, or Michael, and it was boring. Coincidence? The recklessness of David and the up-and-down problems of Riley and Jonah suddenly became as interesting as last week's bagel without ... hmm, I take that back. David, Riley, and Jonah have yet to be interesting in any story. Next!
They're all lounging about at poolside, sipping margaritas. Don't any of these people have, you know, day jobs?
New landlord Jane tells Ella, "Syd mentioned your social graces." Wait, Jane and Syd kept in touch? Well, I guess the attempted murder and burying of a guy can strengthen those sisterly bonds.... By the way, I'm still disappointed that Richard didn't come back as a Fashion Zombie. He would've had his own show on the CW by now.
Strong sisterly bonds, indeed! Jane is channeling Sydney by blackmailing Ella! Of course, it's a weak type of blackmail, but Jane is new at this. Keep at it, my young padawan!
The new Melrose Place apparently has to have the Big Media Event of the Year every week, i.e., an event that preposterously connects nearly all of the characters. (Think of Seinfeld plots, only slightly less funny and with more skin.) This week, the Big Media Event of the Year is the red-carpet premiere of fake movie "Kensington Squared." Let's take bets: If real, would this movie make more money or less than Jennifer's Body? Anyway, the star is a client of Ella's agency; Jane wants the A-list nobody star to wear her dress; Jonah's old buddy worked on the film, so he goes there with Riley; Coal (The Only Chi-Chi Restaurant in Town!) is providing food for the event, so Auggie Doggie is there, and David ends up getting temp work for boss chef Marcello-Doesn't-Look-Even-Slightly-Italian, even though David never asks how much he'll get paid. Clear?
They left out Lauren. Couldn't she have been sleeping with the film's cinematographer or something?
And where was Violet? Ah, in perhaps the lamest scene in the show's young history, Violet runs away as soon as the police show up to question her. Huh, what? First of all, are we supposed to think that only NOW, days after Syd's murder, are the police finally getting around to questioning the rest of the MP residents? Second, if you're Violet and you suspect you might freak out when the cops show up, why not run away the day after Syd's death? Anyway, Violet goes out the window of her apartment and quickly finds the only alleyway on the set.
Violet ends up in Jane's boutique shop (she has a shop?) and gives Jane the whole "I'm Syd's daughter! See! I have red hair just like her!" Jane gives her a hug and, seconds later, rats her out to the cops on the phone: "Yes, officer. I know she can't be Sydney's daughter because Syd's eyes narrowed in a cute way when she got excited, while Violet's eyes bug out like a hyperactive puggle! It can't be the same DNA!"
OK, maybe Jonah hasn't worn that Damn Stupid Hat lately, but geez, the guy looks like he has the Swine Flu at the premiere! Get this man a towelette!
At the setup for the Big Media Event party, Ella swipes a place card intended for Reese Witherspoon. Considering that the network had just cancelled The Beautiful Life, shouldn't she have grabbed Mischa Barton's place card instead?
Ella, in a show of weakness rare in her tribe of sexy accessorized wildcats, tells Dazed David that Jane is blackmailing her: "If I don't convince my nobody star to wear Jane's sequined burlap sack, Jane will show the police all of Sydney's e-mails that prove I used to work at J.C. Penney's. They'll know that's motive for me to have killed her!" David says he's hacked into Michael's Stash of Secrets. He's sure that Dad kept juicy stuff on his ex-wife. Gee, what could Michael possibly know? Nothing EVER happened on Melrose Place back then!
Lauren is oddly disappointed that she won't be seeing the handsome guy who steered her into a life of prostitution. What is that, the Bizarro Pretty Woman?
Violet, now captured and questioned by the police, is telling them fairy tales that Sydney reacted fabulously to Violet's DNA news. "She was sooooo happy! We rode on a unicorn!" If this were a '70s TV show, like Starsky & Hutch, this would be time for the psycho violin strings to start playing in the background. Woooo!
Hey, I agree with Jonah! After Riley bails out Violet and agrees to let Violet stay the night in their ridiculously huge apartment, Jonah dismisses Riley's happy talk and compares the current situation to a "psycho slasher film." Yes! And you may end up as P.J. Soles, not Jamie Lee Curtis!
After Ella's client refuses to wear Jane's dress ("I can't pull up the plastic drawstrings!"), Ella sides with the actress, ignoring Jane's threat. And let's face it: During this scene, Jane was about as intimidating as Rip Torn's mug shot.
At the Big Media Event, David beats up someone who's been following him on Michael's orders. This doesn't endear him to Not-Italian-Marcello, and Auggie gives him the cold shoulder, perhaps afraid to get too close to David's immutable hair.
Hey, David does have dirt! He tells Jane that he knows all about the time when she burned down her own boutique for the insurance money. Hey, cool - I like that they're referencing the old stuff. He thinks he succeeds in neutralizing Jane's threat against Ella, who in turn is so delighted that she immediately wants to have sex with David.
These scenes with Ella were pretty good, to be honest. It was funny how she saw something oddly romantic in David's use of counter-blackmail. Best lines: Her throwaway comment afterward that the great sex was "a total one-off" and that David shouldn't flatter himself: "I always have a good time."
Ah, but DID the counter-blackmail work? Jane phones in an anonymous tip to the police about Ella. Ehh, a weak ending for the hour: It would have been much better had it ended with the MP residents nervously looking at each other, deciding who'd be the first brave soul to try Psycho Violet's cupcakes?
If you still live in the dark ages and don't have a Tivo, then you will have a second chance to watch Melrose Place! The CW has killed The Beautiful Life: TBL after only 2 episodes, leaving an open time slot. They really want to see Melrose Place take off, so they will be showing reruns on Wednesdays at 9:00.
Unfortunately, ratings are still dropping. Last nights episode only drew an estimated 1.5 million viewers. What happened to the Melrose Place Party's people?
Hopefully we will see a big swing after the November 17 return of Heather Locklear as Amanda, then the CW can make some cash from people buying the episodes they are missing from iTunes.
First off, the big news: Heather Lockler will reprise her role as Amanda Locklear in the new series, beginning November 17 - just in time to salvage November Sweeps! Believe me, the series will be dying for a boost by then: Last night's episode continued the ratings slide. I think A&E's Manhunters got better ratings.
Anyway, I've heard that Amanda will return as Ella's new boss at the PR firm. Yikes. I wonder if they'll explain how Amanda is back, considering that she and the Bizarre Dr. Peter Burns faked their own deaths in the series finale and flew off to an island hideaway? Well, based on how they've handled Sydney's return from the grave so far, the answer may be fuzzy, at best. On to last night's episode:
David breaks into Michael's house ... again? At this point, wouldn't it have been easier to temporarily snatch Michael's house keys and make copies? Or did David not learn common sense in the trailer park?
Violet flirts with Auggie. She looks creepy even while flirting! I'm starting to think that "Wide-Eyed Psycho" is Ashlee Simpson's default look, kind of like Keanu Reeves' "Whoa..."
Yay, David triggers Flashback #1 in Michael: It's the night of Syd's infamous "accident" 12 years ago. Police Detective Nick Knight runs behind the stretcher when... oh, sorry, wrong flashback. When a horrified Michael asks Syd who did this, she says, "Someone from my past." STOP! Hold on a second. In the original's Season 5 finale, Sydney was run over by a car driven by Billy's then-girlfriend Insipid Samantha and her Evil Dad. So what's with the "Someone from my past" nonsense? A DC Comics-style retcon? Or is Sydney just assuming it's someone from the past? That would be understandable, considering that she had blackmailed half the population of Los Angeles.
Anyway, Michael (who, according to the original series, was not at the hospital that night) decided to protect Syd from this "someone" and so he faked her death by sticking her name on a bodybag. Who knew it was that easy?
Unfortunately, I now find every scene with Ella a challenge to endure. Yes, Katie Cassidy is very attractive, but her character is too unbelievable and I'm disturbed by the realization that, so far, Ashlee is out-acting Katie. Also, it took me several replays on the DVR to figure out just what the hell Ella and the ex-Coop were talking about. Some guy called Cavi who's directing a video for the Boom Cats?! Hah? I half-expected Captain Picard and Data to beam in and start dishing about inertial dampeners and Heisenberg compensators.
Jonah is totally right to be mad that Riley hasn't told anyone of their engagement. Not even on Facebook?! Jonah fumes, "Oh sure, Riley, you have time for *** Mafia Wars but not for the important things." Things don't bode well for the happy couple!
Shrieking Violet sneaks into Syd's apartment, steals a green dress, and later asks Riley to help zip her up. In a quick flashback, we see Syd wearing the green dress in the courtyard, so shouldn't Riley or another resident have recognized that dress as Syd's? It is a damn good green dress. And what the hell was Sydney doing with a piano in her apartment? The only thing she played was her fellow residents!
Michael gets another Flashback: It's Syd's return to the present day! The now-super-wealthy Michael is stunned to see her, but it turns out that Syd's fake death wasn't so successful. (Hey, maybe switching the bodybag tags doesn't work!) She has spent the last 6 years in prison. Damn! How come we aren't seeing THAT series?! Get FOX on the phone now!
Somehow, though, she kept Michael's name out of it, and she gets all seductive and coy with him. Ahh, now this is great! I love watching Laura Leighton and Thomas Calabro movin' and schemin' like it's 1995.
After Taryn, the lead singer of Boom Cats, pulls a gun on never-done-a-music-video director Jonah, he tries to quit. Ella says, "She's like putty in your hands." Jonah: "Yeah, maybe C4 putty." Ha! Good line.
Jonah soon starts filming something that looks like a cross between Blake's 7 and Peter Stourmare's riotous Volkswagen commercials. Suddenly, he calls a halt and tells the dancers to "Go freestyle!" I think the viewers' TV habits just went freestyle.
David, seeking proof that Michael killed Sydney, sneaks into dear ol' Dad's office, sticks a flash drive into the USB port, and installs a remote-access program in 2 seconds. It takes me 10 seconds just to squeeze one of those things into the port! I want a genie to give me a computer that works just like those on TV and the movies, with flawless wireless access, easily created animations, and cool displays for super-secret government sites.
Lauren doesn't sell her body this week, meaning that we're deprived of vital cheesecake to balance Auggie's beefcake. No wonder the ratings suck! And it's funny that the med student who prostitutes herself to pay her bills is a far more believable character than Ella the PR flack. Credit to Stephanie Jacobsen there. Lauren is the only character worth rooting for at this point.
Lauren is trying to get a spot on super-doc Michael's team at the hospital. All of Dr. House's spots are filled and his ratings are much higher. Apparently, Michael has become legendary and mucho rich since developing the "transcatheric aortic valve." Paging Captain Picard! Anyway, 25 bucks says it's an idea that Michael stole from another doctor, probably Peter.
Ella gets mad at Jonah for pursuing true love with Riley over single-minded, friend-free career advancement: "When you're focused, you're unstoppable. Why would you let anyone get in the way of that?" Um, you mean anyone except you, Ella?
Uh oh, Riley is upset over her fight with Jonah. She gets drunk, seeks comfort from Auggie Doggie, admits she's confused ... and he moves in for the lick! By the way, Jonah & Riley's apartment has one humongous layout! It's HUGE! How much money can you make from teaching 1st graders and photographing bar mitzvahs? It makes Monica & Rachel's apartment in Friends look like a set from Slumdog Millionaire.
Yay, Michael is going on the offense! "You want me back in your life? You got it. I've had enough of you and that dog snooping around." "Rruh rrow!!" "Down, Scooby, down!" Ooooh yeah, it's on! This is the Michael Mancini I'm used to.
Does anybody in the complex actually like David? If so, why? All he does is sneak around and evade questions. Hey, let's party with THAT guy!
Look out, Michael! Your third Flashback is about to ... WHACK! Sydney was very busy on her final night alive. In addition to seeing Auggie, David, Regis Philbin, and who knows who else, she called Michael and threatened to air his dirty laundry in front of the Medical Board and on The Big Bang Theory, since more people would see it that way. Why the hell was she mad? That Michael didn't get caught for, ahem, saving her life and giving her a new identity? Oh well, Sydney was never big on rationality; that's why we loved her so. But Michael was certainly motivated to kill Sydney!
Ex-Coop tells Ella that Jonah's name is off the hot new video; he's not big enough. That's not what Ella thinks! Ella goes along with it ... but after she relates the news to a devastated Jonah, she says she fought for him! Fibber! If I found you more interesting, I'd hate you.
David wisely changes the locks on his apartment and uses his whiz-bang, powered-by-elves, remote-access program to hack into Michael's computer, where he sees ... folders named after all the residents of Melrose Place, past AND present! Allison, Amanda, Billy, Lauren -- that's awesome! Terrific way to end the episode.
It's a shame the ratings have been weak, since this series has the potential to be a lot of fun. Perhaps if Heather's return doesn't cause a spike, they'll find some way to bring it to a conclusion as opposed to just getting yanked.
The CW announced on Tuesday Sept 22, 2009 that Heather Locklear will be rejoining the Melrose Place cast on November 17 as Amanda Woodward. There have been no details as to if this is just a guest appearance or a permanent move, however in the original series she was a "Special Guest Star" for the entire run of the show.
So far we have had:
Thomas Calabro return as Dr. Michael Mancini
Laura Leighton return as Sydney Andrews-Mancini
Josie Bissett will be returning next week as Jane Mancini
Daphne Zuniga is rumored to be returning as Jo Reynolds
and now Heather Locklear will be returning as Amanda Woodward
The writers have done a great job so far making the show about the new characters, with the old cast filling in as extra characters. With so many returning the show could easily have been a reunion show.
Andrew Shue has expressed no interest in reprising his role as Billy Campbell and Grand Show has a new show this season with Jenna Elfman (Accidentally on Purpose) that will likely keep him from returning as Jake Hanson. Other cast members, Marcia Cross (Kimberly Shaw) and Doug Savant (Matt Fielding) are busy with Desperate Housewives. (of course Matt is dead, but that never stopped anyone). Rob Estes (Kyle McBride) is on 90210 (bummer because he was great as Kyle!). Kelly Rutherford (Megan Mancini) is busy with Gossip Girl. Kristin Davis's character Brooke is dead, but she is too famous from Sex in the City to bother. Alyssa Milano will not likely return as Jennifer Mancini since she is super famous... still she was on My Name is Earl, so maybe. ;) (She was last seen moving to Rome with Billy). Jack Wagner is on The Bold and the Beautiful, so may not be on right away, but we can always hope that he will return as Dr. Peter Burns.(Dr. Peter Burns DID end up with Amanda in the show and Jack ended up with Heather in real life!)
And then there is Lisa Rinna. She has wanted to return as Taylor McBride for a while now and maybe she will, maybe she won't. Dancing with the Stars and Playboy will only take you so far I guess.
Either way, I think that we have a great season shaping up for us!
Last Updated on Wednesday, 23 September 2009 13:02
